Southwest Missouri Moms website

Guys Tell All: Too friendly for Facebook

December 30, 2020 By: admin

Q: I recently noticed my husband had friended an old girlfriend on Facebook. From conversations, I know they had a very passionate relationship. I’m not happy about this at all. What do you suggest I do?

MAVERICK: I see Facebook sort of like a party.

I have a Facebook page but I use it to keep up with my pals and old friends but I rarely post. So in party terms, I’m the guy who sits over in the dark corner and sips his beer, who maybe goes outside to smoke for long periods or goes to the store for ice.

So, look at this Facebook stuff like like him meeting an old flame at a party.

If she friended him first, she’s the one who walked up to him. If he friended her, well it’s the opposite.

Would that make you concerned at a party?

They might have regained contact through a mutual friend, so it’s sorta like they’re all huddled up in a group of old chums in the middle of the room chatting.

Problem with that?

If she has a Facebook picture taken in soft focus that makes her look all glam or she’s wearing something revealing or you can otherwise tell she thinks she’s hot-stuff from her picture, — and let’s face it, you can tell — I’d consider that a variable. It’s something akin to her showing at the party all tarted up wearing a miniskirt and she’s chatting with your husband, standing close and with her hand on his arm.

Now what do you think?

While this might help sort out the interaction, the bottom line is , they are interacting. She’s also not only an ex — but a significant ex that he had a smoking sexual relationship with. He might just be being friendly but the reality is, he’ll think about her, and if the sex was good he’ll likely think about her fondly and nostalgically, and likely without clothing.

If this is really bothering you, tell him you’re uncomfortable. Be direct.

If he says something about trust, tell him it’s nothing about trust, it simply is not prudent to put himself in those sorts of situations. If he listens fine. If he acts really, really defensive, or acts mad but then goes all easy-going like, I’d consider that a red flag.

But, if you aren’t concerned about him talking to an ex-flame in plain sight at a party, I’d not sweat the Facebook issue too much. It’s pretty public.

In any event, if you’re really bugged and your husband is being a pain and not giving you satisfactory answers and you want to let her know you’re wise to what’s up, just friend her yourself.

This is like you walking up and introducing yourself at a party. You can tell a lot by how she reacts.

Oh, and before you do, change your Facebook picture to the one where you’re breaking a board in your Karate class.

GRAY: I’d suggest you just get over it and move on. Their relationship ended badly once, so what are you afraid of? That he’s going to leave a presumably good relationship so he can pursue one he’s already had?

He/she may have wanted to make sure the other was doing ok after all these years, or perhaps they were hoping to find the other in the misery they’d wished on them upon breaking up. The point is, it’s doubtful they’re going to look at each other and say: “Man, you’re perfect. Why did we break up?” More realistically they’ll realize the decision they made to split was the right one and chatting a little on Facebook will only confirm their suspicions.

Facebook is an odd animal to begin with, filled with people who “friend” others to be better virtual farmers and all that. I’d be a lot more alarmed if he was doing that and potentially exposing strangers to your personal telephone number or street address. I think a lot of old flames tend to get in touch as a form of catharsis and because Facebook provides the perfect medium. After all, it means you don’t have an awkward social situation, you can still keep ex-girlfriends and ex-boyfriends in a controlled environment, and if they’re still as annoying as they were when you broke up there’s always that lovely “hide” button.

MAX: “I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it.” ~ Lyndon Johnson

Who are these lugnuts, I mean husbands, the readers of nwaMotherlode are constantly complaining about? I show these questions to my wife so she realizes I’m not half as bad as the other turds in the diaper.

There is no justification nor acceptable rationale that any decent man could come up with to excuse continuing an elective friendship with a former flame that the current wife disproves of. It’s just that simple.

If your lugnut maintains his cluelessness, ask him how he would feel if you hooked back up with a former passion. This “friendship” serves no purpose, it should fill no emotional need (and if it does, there are bigger problems here) and is a huge show of disrespect to the wife.

Tell him this and if he disagrees, I would recommend counseling or, better, smashing his computer in with an iron skillet.

The Rockwood Files: Puppy love

December 29, 2020 By: admin

By Gwen Rockwood, newspaper columnist and mama of 3

Don’t tell my Beagle, but I’ve fallen in puppy love. My friend Shannon and her family just adopted an 8-week-old puppy from a local shelter, and she is puppy perfection – a fluffy white Lab mix with a touch of butter-colored hair on the tips of her floppy ears.

Shannon has been texting me puppy pictures – snapshots that could easily be featured in a “Cutest Puppies of 2016” wall calendar. With her white fur and coal black eyes, she looks like a snow-white baby seal. After some heavy hinting on my part, Shannon’s daughter appointed me as the puppy’s official Godmother. So I went to their house to play with my God-dog, who licked my face, snuggled under my chin and then pounced on the dog toy I threw for her. Oh, it was fun.

When I went home later that day, our middle-aged dog, Charlie, was waiting for me by the door. I felt guilty that I wasn’t nearly as enthralled with him as the fluffy new puppy. I’d cheated on my dog with a younger model. He didn’t seem to mind, though. He spun excitedly around in circles when I asked if he wanted to go outside.

Lately Charlie has been embroiled in an ongoing battle with one very elusive squirrel. Once outside, he sprints toward the tallest tree, wailing away with the high-pitched, frustrated bark of a dog who knows that the bark is all he’s got. By the time he gets there, the squirrel has scampered up a tree that Charlie knows he’ll never be able to climb. But that doesn’t stop him from pointlessly barking up at the tree – a habit that hasn’t endeared him to the neighbors.

In Charlie’s defense, the squirrel is not a gracious winner. I’ve seen this squirrel run across the top of the wooden fence while Charlie runs alongside it barking like a maniac. Then the squirrel stops and stares down at the poor dog, taunting him from his lofty perch. If I’d been watching through binoculars, I bet I would have seen the squirrel stick his tongue out at the Beagle, the same way the Road Runner mocks Wile E. Coyote.

Inside the house, Charlie works on his napping skills. He steps onto a blanket on the sofa, turns around on it three to four times and then settles down, curling in on himself with paws tucked under his body. Within seconds, he falls asleep and slowly stretches out until he’s on his back with all four paws in the air, snoring softly and passing a silent-but-toxic series of dog toots that make me wonder if he’s eating rotten cabbage.

Despite his quirks, we love Charlie. He may be crazy and stubborn but he’s ours. I’m reminding myself that new is always alluring and exciting. And it’s easy to love anything – a puppy or a person – from afar.

Shannon tells me that, although they love her like crazy, the new puppy can also drive them a little crazy. The teething phase is so intense right now that they’ve nicknamed her “the land shark” because she’s constantly cruising around looking for something to gnaw on. She also likes to whine when she’s left alone, unroll the toilet paper and shred paper towels until the room looks like the aftermath of a ticker tape parade. In short, a new puppy is much like a determined toddler minus the diapers.

So perhaps I should just enjoy my puppy love in photos and short visits and then come home to my hard-headed, squirrel-chasing, gassy Beagle who has learned to love me despite all my quirks, too.

Gwen Rockwood is a mom to three great kids, wife to one cool guy, a newspaper columnist and co-owner of nwaMotherlode.com. To check out Gwen’s book, “Reporting Live from the Laundry Pile: The Rockwood Files Collection,” click HERE.

The Rockwood Files: Have trash, will travel

December 28, 2020 By: admin

By Gwen Rockwood, newspaper columnist and mama of 3

When I noticed the delivery box on the front steps, I flung open the door and greedily grabbed it. I hauled it to the kitchen, grabbed a pair of scissors and sliced through the packing tape in one stroke.

“What’s that?” Tom asked.

“It’s my new trash can,” I said.

“In that small box?” he said.

“It’s a trash can for the car,” I explained.

“Another one? What is this crazy obsession you have with car trash cans?” he said.

“It’s not an obsession, Tom. It’s a necessity. Your children are very messy and I’m usually the one hauling them all over town.”

He rolled his eyes because the kids are always “his” when they’re leaving a trail of crumbs, dirt and used tissues in their wake. (They’re mine again when they’re getting good grades or being especially cute.)

Tom’s car is mostly free of all the kid baggage that clutters mine up – the duffel bag full of ballet shoes, backpacks, stray school papers, gum wrappers, fast-food cups left behind and – the tissues. Don’t get me started on the tissues. Cold and flu season and now spring allergies keep us knee-deep in used tissues, and I just can’t stand the thought of plucking another one out of the car’s cup holders. It’s disgusting.

So I’ve been on a quest to find a suitable trash can for this on-the-go lifestyle. It’s tricky because it has to fit in a place where it won’t be repeatedly knocked over and spilled. And I don’t like the kind that hang from the back of a headrest because then the backseat passengers are eye-level with trash.

My last attempt at a car sanitation system involved a plastic bin with a flip-top lid, and I was pretty proud of my do-it-yourself solution. I lined the bin with a plastic shopping bag and tried to anchor it to the back of the center console, where the kids could easily reach it. But it tipped over time and time again. Too top heavy. So I tried putting Velcro strips on the bottom, but that didn’t work either. Then I tried using extra shoelaces I’d found in the junk drawer to tie the trash bin to the center console. But the laces kept slipping and so did the tippy bin.

After scouring the Internet, I finally found a car trash can with good reviews from other shoppers. It’s waterproof and has a weighted bottom that keeps it anchored even in tight hairpin turns around the Chick-fil-A drive-thru lane. Very impressive.

The kids have accidentally kicked it a few times, but that can’t be helped because three school-aged kids plus friends getting in and out of a car is a little like a herd of hyper horses, only far less graceful.

My new mobile trash can has been in place for about a week now, and having a container to corral the trash has helped my sense of order in the Universe. (I have this suspicion that a mother’s mental state is somehow linked to the condition of her car’s interior, her purse and her clothes closet.)

Experts say that, on average, Americans spend so many hours in the car that – over the course of a year – the time spent there adds up to almost a full month. (For those families that travel to out-of-state ballgames or dance competitions, I’d bet that the number is at least double.)

So it’s no wonder that a mother/chauffer like me would be so invested in finding the right trash can. It’s not a “crazy obsession,” honey. It’s survival of the cleanest.

Guys Tell All: Husband’s appearance is a turn-off

December 22, 2020 By: admin

Dear Inside His Head guys,

My husband needs to lose weight. His BMI is 32, he has sleep apnea (snores some even with the CPAP), is on two medications to control high blood pressure and now has been told by his doctor that he is pre-diabetic. He talks about losing weight all of the time. And he never does. He just keeps gaining.

His health is obviously at risk and quite frankly his appearance is a turn-off. I’ve only mentioned his weight issue once and that was the day after we made love and my hip was aching so badly that it was difficult to walk. (There is a 130 lb. difference between us). I was not mean, just matter of fact.

I don’t get it. Any thoughts?

GRAY: You need to have a serious talk with him. Everything you’ve mentioned has the potential to take years off his life and cause a lot of medical complications down the road if they’re not already. If he’s talking about losing weight then he obviously wants to, it’s just a matter of figuring out how to get there and how to get him motivated.

Get him active. Whether it’s insisting he play outside with the kid(s) for ½ hour a day or taking a long walk with you after dinner, anything is a step in the right direction. If he wants to use a health club, encourage him to do it with a friend. You’ll notice these options involve someone else who will, hopefully, keep the motivation and interest present and give him support on days when the spirit is weak.

Monitor what he eats. Especially with the onset of diabetes, diet can be paramount. And heck, these days it’s relatively easy to find healthy meals that don’t taste like cardboard. If he’s eating fast food lunches, start sending him off with lunch from home or find a way to dodge the high-calorie, high-fat fare most restaurants can’t seem to get away from.

Setting short-term goals is great, but try to make lifestyle changes. In the end, the two of you probably aren’t looking at something he’ll be doing for the next 3 or 4 months as much as you’ll be creating a new way of living. Get him thinking about ways to keep exercise from getting boring. Maybe you can find different activities for each season to ensure doing the right thing doesn’t become tedious.

Reward him along the way. Especially for those who have little self motivation when it comes to losing weight, getting surprises, compliments and praise for all the work can go a long way. It can also make him appreciate the extra time he’ll get to spend around all those who support him now that he’s in better physical condition.

MAVERICK: Okay, so this guy is considered obese by that BMI ranking and if you’re like 110 he’s at least 240. Even if he’s a tall guy, he’s still pretty big and the implication here is he’s not rippling with muscles.

So, he needs to lose weight for his health and it sounds like losing some pounds might improve his sex life too.

Two very good reasons to get back in shape.

So, level with him but don’t be mean or too direct. Men can have fragile egos.

“You’re too fat and I find you too heavy to get on top of me,” isn’t the best approach.

He might not be really aware of how bad the situation has gotten. Guys are thick like that, no pun intended.

Instead, tell him you’re worried about his health and want to keep him around for many years to come. That means losing some weight. Be determined until you convince him you’re right. Don’t nag, encourage him. Try to show him how important it is for the future for the two of you that he is healthy.

Work with him on diet — nothing too drastic at first. Try to eat healthy foods and get rid of the junk food in the house, all that stuff — but do it with him. Many guys are unused to watching what we eat, so he’ll need some help and support. Don’t be a kill-joy or his mom, be his partner in this.

Encourage him to join a gym, start bike riding with a pal, or take up a sport he’s put aside like pickup-basketball or softball. Once again, you could help with this by allowing him to take the time to get back in shape or simply encourage him to go on walks with you or even hikes.

Reward him with encouraging words. Tell him he looks better once he’s lost some weight or tell him you admire his determination when he heads out to the gym. Tell him you love him, and his efforts to keep himself fit make you happy.

Also tell him they turn you on.

As he gets back in shape, reward him with sex. Teach him to associate hard work and a disciplined diet with an eager and appreciative wife.

It’ll work like a charm.

MAX: “Diseases of the soul are more dangerous and more numerous that those of the body.” ~ Cicero

I told y’all to never EVER accept questions from my wife. Seriously, though, one thing you must never do is to tell or infer or hint to your husband that you find him unattractive because of his weight.

Your husband is putting his health at risk as well your family’s security. It seems that he has deeper issues here than just weight problems. If he was doing similar destructive acts to his family and himself with drugs or gambling, an intervention would be called for. You need to have an intervention-style
conversation with your husband.

The way you begin the conversation is “I love you so much and if something happens to you, this family will be devastated. We don’t want to go on without you. We love you and need you. Healthy. Happy. Here.”

Whatever course you chose, you must come from a basis of love and support. Your husband is in danger, and you have to love and support him out of it, but you can’t make it, in any way whatsoever ever, about his appearance.

Following a calling: Mercy Pediatric Doctor, Dr. Remi Fasipe

December 7, 2020 By: admin

It really is a small world. We feel grateful to Dr. Remi Fasipe, even though prior to this interview, we didn’t really know too much about her.

Rewind 6 months ago. One of our dear friends walked through a scary, scary season of her life. Her oldest son had been experiencing some rather odd symptoms and she was ~~concerned~~ scared. After a couple of sleepless nights, several serious conversations with her husband and a lot of prayer, our friend made the call to Mercy Kids, and thank goodness she did. Within days she had an appointment with Dr. Fasipe, Pediatric Hematologist Oncologist, questions were answered and they began to explore best treatment options for her son.

Dr. Fasipe, that is just one story that has touched us. Thank you for following your calling and walking down this journey with our kids–your patients.

We loved having the opportunity to understand the work you do a little better! Mommas, enjoy this read and thank goodness for amazing doctors right here in Southwest Missouri from our sponsors at Mercy Kids!

We understand your official title is Pediatric Hematologist Oncologist. What exactly does that mean?

I basically treat children with cancer and blood disorders.

What would an ideal day at work look like for you?

I meet with clinic staff to discuss patients for the day at 8:30 a.m. Patients start to arrive around 9 a.m. I see about 10 to 16 patients a day, I also return phone calls to physicians and parents. The clinic might start out with 10 patients and then I get a call about a patient who needs to be seen right away for suspicion of cancer. If the patient does have cancer, then I have to break the sad news to the family and explain the diagnosis and treatment plan.

When I see my patients, I try to get to know them and learn their favorite toys, sports or best friend, school, favorite TV show, movie, books and their siblings so they don’t think they are just coming here to undergo treatment.

I have had to memorize names of Thomas the Train engines, knock knock jokes, dance moves, because the patients look forward to their favorite conversation every week. It keeps me young at heart. The fun part is the no mo chemo party. That is always very rewarding, especially if they had a complicated treatment, it is a party for everyone.

Clinic usually ends at 4:30 p.m., but I might get called at night to admit a patient to the hospital, so the day never really ends.

What does the St. Jude Affiliate Clinic offer in terms of treatment and care for children in Southwest Missouri?

Being a St. Jude Affiliate Clinic allows us to enroll patients throughout southwest Missouri and northern Arkansas in clinical research trials right here at Mercy Children’s Hospital Springfield at the Jane Pitt Pediatric Cancer Center.

We make it possible for children battling cancer or lifelong blood disorder to receive exceptional treatment, close to home without having to travel 4 hours every week for treatment. We have helped thousands of children with cancer and blood-related disorders. Our insurance specialist can assist families with their insurance and financial needs irrespective of their insurance or ability to pay allowing families to concentrate on the health and healing of their child.

St. Jude Affiliate Clinic Team at the Jane Pitt Pediatric Center

What new medical advancements do you get most excited about?

Progress made in the battle to cure childhood cancer is one of the great success stories of modern medicine. Some diseases that were universally fatal 50 years ago, such as pediatric acute lymphoblastic leukemia, can now be cured in approximately 90% of patients.

Despite this success, there are a subset of pediatric tumors such as Metastatic sarcomas of the bone and soft tissue, Supratentorial high grade and brain stem gliomas that still have a poor outcome with less than 5 year survival rates despite high dose chemotherapy. This is where targeted therapy comes into play.

Targeted therapy is a treatment that targets specific molecules in or on cancer cells, or in the tumor’s immediate surroundings. Targeted therapies work by focusing on the ways cancer cells act differently from healthy cells and interrupting these processes. They “target” processes that play an important role in cancer growth so that cancer cells are unable to increase. An example of this would be stopping blood vessels that “feed” cancer cells, or interfering with signals that the cancer cells need for growth. While each type of targeted therapy works differently, they all aim to disrupt the way cancer cells duplicate and interact with other cells. With increasing knowledge of the molecular basis of cancer, medications are being designed specific pathways in cancers.

What advice do you offer to the parents of kids that have been diagnosed with an illness?

When your child is diagnosed with cancer it creates a crisis in the life of each family member and everything is spinning wildly out of control. It is extremely difficult to imagine this cancer journey. Parents must be away from work. Siblings might need to be cared for by relatives. The sick child (the patient) becomes the major focus of family time and attention. There are new medical terms to learn and new procedures and routines to master. Perhaps the hardest thing to deal with is the overwhelming unfairness of the situation. “This shouldn’t happen to kids-especially my kid!”

I always tell parents to keep themselves well informed and ask questions and develop trust in the cancer team, nurses and doctors. It is important to find support in prayer or their religious faith. I always say it not an easy road, but we are in this together. I would also say they should seek support from other family members that can help with clinic appointments or stay in the hospital with the child, pick up other siblings from school so they don’t get burnt out. It is easy for parents to neglect themselves, but I always say, to parents you need to be well to look after your sick child.

If I am concerned about my child, can I call your office directly?

Definitely, parents, physicians can call my office at 417 820 5833 at any time to discuss their concerns.

Describe the best part of your job.

I love my patients and their families, they teach me so much about life, love, family, friendship, perseverance, gratitude, and even me. They are the sweetest, most appreciative, and grateful people I meet. Their entire world has been rocked by a diagnosis of cancer or lifelong blood disorder, and somehow, they still seem to find the strength within themselves to fight—fight for life, family, and themselves.

They become so grateful for the little things in life, no matter how bad things get. They understand that family and love are important. In all of their pain (physical, mental, and emotional), nausea, life threatening infections, fever, and sadly death—if I am able to make just a tiny difference in my patients’ day, then I have done my job. Being a Pediatric Oncologist also helps me to keep things in perspective within my own life. No matter how hard or bad I think my day is, it is never as bad as my patients’.

My job reminds me every day how important it is to be grateful to God for the little things—being able to walk, breathe, eat, spend time with my family, the many things we take for granted. Why oncology? First it is my calling, it is where I belong and I love children. It is a privilege to navigate this healing, spiritual and emotional journey with my patients and their families.

SouthwestMissouriMoms.com does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. This content is for informational purposes only and isn’t a substitute for professional medical advice. Always talk to your doctor if you have questions about a medical condition. Don’t delay getting professional medical advice because of something you read online. This website doesn’t necessarily recommend or endorse any specific tests, doctors, products, procedures or opinions discussed on the site.